Infidelity Melody.

"You hurt because he lied, I hurt because he lied about you."

Ive never been married, so I don't know what its like to have an unfaithful husband, which I think has got to be 10 times worse than finding out someone you're dating has slept with some hoochie behind your back.
Why is it though that when you find this out, its someone who looks like they have no class, morals, just got hit by a truck, is wearing a mask, and most likely has not eaten in a month and pretty sure those things she calls boobs are all silicone. Worse she could be Bombshell Maggee and have her forehead tattooed. Why do men cheat? Well I'm sure there reasons are different then women's, because I'm sure no man wants to admit he is insecure, and well just a horny bastard who thinks he wont get caught. I know women cheat too, so men don't get all defensive, I'm just singling you out at the moment. With all the media covering Tiger Woods, and now Jesse James, it seems appropriate.
My theory is if your not happy..say so. You want out, OK leave. If your too much of a coward to actually sit down and tell me what you think we should work on, or what is missing in our marriage then you deserve some uneducated, less attractive, self absorbed, good for nothing stripper/model/club hostess/pornstar/ skank!! She will most likely not know how to carry on a conversation with you, and prides herself on her ability to do every position in her Kama Sutra book, or hold herself upside down on a stripper pole, or how gets her friends in for free at the club.
Really? This is what I came second too? As much as it hurts, which I can only imagine how much it does when your a devoted wife or mother, once the pain subsides don't you just want to laugh a little? It doesn't do much, but it helps. I just don't get it? Wouldn't a man want an attractive women, who takes care of herself, is beautiful inside and out, has morals, family values, just a good take home to mom kinda girl?!
Ok.. who am I too judge I'm sure half if not all of Tiger Woods mistresses were good women, who had a ton of self respect, I mean hello, not everyone can win 75,000 dollars and be crowned "Miss Mistress". Gotta give her props, I mean at least she proved how worthy she was of this title by going on a very prestige radio talk show, hosted by the very talented Howard Stern. Give me a @#!%ing break!! Seriously? Wow I wish I could be awarded 5,000 dollars for just being a whore, but hey if you can get 75 why not sleep with a married man, a famous married man. I guess this can tie in with the fact that I don't understand why you would want to have a relationship with a porn star or a stripper. Not only is she getting naked for you and for free, she is giving old men boners for 20 bucks a pop. (no pun intended!) haha I guess if you have no problem sharing, and hey mama can pay the bills. Don't take this the wrong way, because I'm sure a lot of women have thought, and maybe not admitted, hey how hard would it be to dance around topless for intoxicated men, and women and make a couple hundred buck if not more a night?! If only it were that easy, OK it probably is because I know for a fact you don't have to know how to spell more than 5 words to be a stripper... id post a link to prove my point, but that's taking it a little too far.
The thing is, I actually have some self respect and don't need dollar bills thrown at me and shoved down my panties to make me feel like I am worth something... although I do want an excuse to wear those awesome clear platform shoes. If you take your clothes of for a living and want to preach to me how hard it is, please, I learned how to take my underwear off and squat when I was potty trained. I'm sure there are good women out there doing this, don't get me wrong I'm not saying all women who fall under any category Ive talked about are bad people, so if you are, or know someone who is don't take offense. On another note, go make that money honey! I guess I'm just not the "Hustling" type. Ohh and please don't threaten me with a "id like to see you do it" Because I can shake my big ass like nobody's business, and quit honestly Ive never seen a 95lb "entertainer" move there hips, that takes rhythm, crawling like a cat, well you get my point.
OK enough on that subject. Here's my thing.. when the club life gets old, when getting smashed and taking randoms home gets boring, when just sex, is just sex, and that just sex is just not enough because I do believe eventually you will want someone to love and hold, what then? Do you realize what you had and then want something to do with us? Because having the best of both worlds doesn't exist, at least not with two different people. Cant you be satisfied with the one who is your world? I guess its like an alcoholic who cant just have one drink.. I guess id rather have one good drink than 5 horrible ones that in the end just make me look like a fool and make me sick. (deal with my barely clever analogies).
Men love a chase, so do women. Its like an itch you cant scratch. But chasing only gets you so far. Im no expert on relationships, but I do know what its like to give your whole heart only to get hurt, and doing so knowing that it just might end up like that. Ill admit, women think that they can change men, and props to those who have changed a bad egg into a good one! You cant train an old dog new tricks, but you can certainly try. Women have a way of seeing a good man beneath a rough surface, we want to be the one to mend them, and show them what its like to have a good woman, some respond, some don't. Its easy to be with someone who doesn't require much, someone who wont hold you to any standard, someone who makes you feel better than them. Going back to Jesse James, come on.. he was married to a porn star than Sandra Bullock, how do you compete with that? Of course he could bang some she-man and feel superior! That's like going back to your small hometown in the country after living in a big city, you can throw on your worn out jeans and not shower for a week and no one cares.
My personal favorite.. when these women feel like they need an apology, or feel sad and angry about how they were used... uhhh HELLO? There was someone more deserving on the other end who feels just as bad, if not worse, and didn't know a god damn thing! You really thought it would end in your favor? Suck it up, keep your clothes on, and find someone who gives a shit.

That is all.
I might have a personal vendetta.

New addition!

This last week I was lucky enough to inherit an old dresser to use for Harper's room! Its not an antique, or anything special, its amazing its in as good condition as it is, being particle board and all! But for a children's dresser it will work just fine!

I decided to paint it to match the colors in Harper's room, I chose a awesome plum color and painted the knobs a light purple color, it ties in the colors in the bedding nicely. It turned out good, even for having to paint over some smudges, I'm just happy she has room for all her clothes now!! Here is the finished product.

Also... Michael came to visit this last weekend and got to spend some time with me and Harper, he was so excited to see her, and thought she had got so big! Saturday night Mike offered to stay home with Harper so I could have a night off and go out with my friends, which was nice. We also go to visit his family, and Harper got to spend all day Monday with Grandma Sletten while we ran errands and went to a wedding. It's nice to have a break, but I hate leaving my lil girl, I miss her after an hour! But I am grateful to have all the help I can get!

Last, but not least... Harper is 6 weeks old!! She is getting so big, and changing so much! She is now starting to smile, and I finally caught her and got a picture!! I also went to my 6 week checkup, and everything is great! Now I can start working out, which I'm actually excited about!! So if I keep my word I will be starting my workout on Monday, we will see how it goes.

I want my hot bod back.

So If any of you read my other blog, which I post about random things, thoughts, music, etc. You will see or have read my post about P90X . If you haven't, or if you had no idea I had another blog you can click and read. You will see that I posted that almost a year ago, and sadly I never got the chance to try P90X because shortly after that post I became pregnant!! I figured that sort of workout was not good for a growing baby! haha
Well now a year later I'm going to try again!! Mike has the discs for me already, so after my 6 week checkup my goal is to jump in and start the workout! I figure it will be good for me, because you can do everything in front of the TV, and with some weights(which I will be getting in pink, for motivation). Since I spend a lot of time at home, I might as well workout instead of sit on my butt!
I only gained 30 lbs while pregnant, and I'm back to where I was before I got pregnant and lost weight, so I still would love to lose 10 lbs and get some muscle back in my stomach, and well everywhere! I hear people swear that this workout works, so we will see! Because I am trying to lose "baby" weight I figure I will post about my success, or fail on here, but will still post some of my progress on my other Blog. So hope no one gets bored with similar posts.

Who am I kidding, I'm basically just talking to myself, I'm not some popular blog writer with a million readers. Until next time.

Choose.

Being in a long distance relationship is hard, but its even harder being in one with a child. I initially knew that it was going to be like that at first, and even tho I never have been fully OK with it, or the idea with it, Ive learned to adapt. I'm used to the idea that every morning I will wake up without a significant other, or have him there to help me. I know that in order to get everything, or at least half of the things I want to get done I need to start a good couple hours in advance, but even then it all depends on if Harper is fed enough, changed, and comfortable and will hopefully take a nap, or sit there and be content while "mommy" cleans up around the house, and cleans her self up! Then of course I need to set time aside to bathe and dress her, then after that she will most likely hate me so ill have to feed her again! I'm not complaining, but it would be nice to get to take a shower, and not have to cut it short, or shave one leg, or not wash my hair.

With Mike being in California, and me being here its a constant argument about who is going to move where, when, or if its even going to happen at this point. I know Mike is out there to work, he has a good job and potential to make good money, were not exactly struggling, but were not exactly able to do everything we want to do after we barely get all our bills paid. I know there is a lot of stress on him, with me being unemployed and my money quickly running out, and once it does, he will have to help me out more than he already is. I don't expect this, and don't want him to think that at all! Its hard finding a job these days, and now one that's going to pay me enough just to cover my expenses and one that is flexible with hours, or a schedule that will work with my baby sitter. I still would like to go to school, but that might just have to take a back seat.

I know I'm not the best at making decisions, I usually put things off and then months down the road I'm beating my self up about it. I just get so overwhelmed about more than one thing, its like an overload, and I crash.

I know Mike wants us to move out there so he can be with us, but he can be with us here! We both have family here, friends here, and he even has job offers here! My rent is cheaper here than it would be out there, and with all the family and friends we have here its a lot easier to keep Harper out of daycare. Not only do I not want to leave her in daycare all day, I definitely don't want to pay 500 bucks or more just to have strangers watch her, when I can have her grandmas or aunts watch her. I'm also not happy about the idea of sitting at home with my baby all day in a different state while mike goes to work. Its not like here, if I get bored I can visit friends, have friends visit me, go to my moms house and hang out, go shopping with my sister, etc. I know I could adjust to being out there, I'm a big girl, I'm sure ill be fine. But I just see myself feeling more alone out there than I already do here without him.

California would be fun, I like the weather, the beach, shopping, lakers, and I'm sure there is plenty more to see. I'm not opposed to moving out of Utah, but I just don't feel like its the best thing to do right now!!

I hate that I get called selfish for this, I'm not trying to be! I'm not doing it because I want to be stubborn, or get my own way, I simply just dont want to. Of course I want things to be as easy as they can for us, because I hate worrying about how things might go. I wouldn't change being a mom for anything, I'm so happy to have Harper in my life, but it changes a lot of things for me, and for us. Maybe things will work themselves out, but until then I'm just going to feel lost.

Bears, Beats, Battlestar Galactica.

Dwight Schrute=Love.

My little chubs.

My baby is 1 month old!! I cant believe it, it seems like I just brought her home. She is chunking up so fast, I just love her little chubby cheeks! Shes starting to smile a little now, and reacting to noises and recognizing faces, its so fun!

Mothers day!

Mothers day was great! It feels awesome to be able to celebrate this holiday, and be able to celebrate it with my mom. I got surprised a day early with flowers and chocolates from Michael, so I definitely felt special!

Me, Harper, my mom, grandma, brother and sister all went out to eat and saw iron man! Harper actually slept thru the whole movie so that was nice! I got some nice cards, chocolates, bath and body stuff, and a cute little plant for the house! It was a great day, and I love being a mom, and have a greater appreciation for all my mom has done and still does!

Mothers day!

Happy Mothers day to my wonderful, beautiful, dorky,funny,hip,young mom! Thanks for all that you do! ♥ you. Not only is she a AWESOME and HOT mom but she now is a HOT grandma!! haha

Now that I'm a mom myself... which is so weird, but wonderful! I now have a new appreciation for how hard moms work!

Also Happy Mothers day to all my wonderful friends who are moms! Im so glad I have tons of great moms to look up to, and get advice from! Hope you all had a wonderful Mother's day.

When Is it my turn?

Soo I was doing some blog stalking, and came across a girls blog, who I went to school with. She has 2 adorable kids, and I started reading her posts when she was pregnant with her second one, she had a little girl. Now don't think I'm creepy, but it just helps to read posts from someone who was pregnant and going through some of the same things, also because she was due 3 months before me I kind of got to see what I had to look forward too, or not look forward too. Well I recently read that her lil girl, at 7 weeks was sleeping through the night, from 1030-about 8am!!! What?! I live for that moment. haha

Right now around that time she is starting to throw a fit, not too bad, but by this time I'm about to wind down, get in my pj's(if I haven't been in them all day) and watch my shows. Usually I get bored and spend a lot of my time visiting my mom and having dinner with the fam so I don't head home til around 10 or so, by the time I get home and go to put her in bed, she wants to wake up and eat, and then literally wont let me put her down for a good hour or so. Like yesterday, we wake up around 10 or so, I feed her, play with her, get her dressed and have her laying on the bed with me, before I know it shes out, and seriously out til I get ready to leave the house at around 430/5 o clock. She pretty much slept for 4 straight hours!!! Then we get to my moms house and she sleeps again!! But from 11pm and on its an every 2 hour event! Last night was the first time I let her cry in the bassinet, and I mean cry!! But that only lasted about 5 minutes, after I started crying with frustration, I picked her up and she immediately stopped crying! Then by some random luck she stayed quiet when I laid her down again!!

She usually hates the bassinet and I end up just laying her in bed with me, but I got her to sleep in her bed for a good 3 hours.

I wish we were on more of a routine, but how do I keep a 3 week old up ALL day so she will sleep all night? I put her in her swing, and guess what shes been sleeping in it for the last couple hours! I cant really complain tho, because she really is a good baby, and it could be a lot worse. Plus I did some reading, and babies start to cry more at 2 weeks and up. I just envy the mom who can get 6 or more hours of sleep!!

Photo Shoot.

My little Harper is such a little model!! I went to take her pictures yesterday, and she did soo good! The photographer loved her and asked if we would sign a release form so she could put her in the portfolio!! Of course I loved that, maybe shes already found her calling! haha I cant wait to have her pictures taken again, it was so fun to pick out the dresses, and I found her an obnoxious large flower for her hair, I just love them!!

Of course the theme was pink!! Im sure she will have a lot of pictures like this! ;)