Full time everything.

Are you bored with my craft/thrifty/mommy nonsense?
Well its no secret that deep down I'm always going through something. Exhaustion and stress like to rule my life.. they are the worst friends to have. But they make up a big part of life right? I feel like a zombie lately, I probably look like one too, and soon I'm going to have that dragging foot walk down  because I'm pretty sure my knee is giving up on me. seriously. Thank you mom&dad for that gene.
Anyways.. my pain goes deeper than that lately. My heart is heavy, and my mind is blank. Before this I felt like a ticking time bomb. I exploded. Maybe I have too much emotion in me.. is that even possible? Isn't it good to show emotion, to have feelings.. even though those feelings get hurt, were human right? I'm not weak, I feel I'm a strong independent woman when the time calls for it. Why is it tho that in my current relationship I feel helpless.. hopeless... drained. I know I'm not a perfect person, I have flaws, I have things about myself I want to change, wish I could change.. and I'm striving to be a better person. At the same time, I'm ME. I shouldn't have to change who I am, and I certainly shouldn't feel like I'm not good at all.
Trust me when I say that I know relationships are not always rainbows and butterfly's.. I know couples have disagreements and arguments, will annoy each other, hurt each others feelings and get mad.  But where does that lead to having no respect or boundaries at all! Its like were going in the wrong direction, and doing nothing to find our way home.. were just hoping we will end up there eventually.
Am I perfect? no. Do I say and do things in the heat of the moment that I'm not proud of? yes. What kind of person am I if I cant even keep my composure for the sake of my daughter?  I want her to know whats to be tolerated and whats not. If I cant even make that decision for myself, how am I going to teach her? How is she going to know how to stick up for herself, respect herself and respect others If I cant. I cant protect her from everything, or from everyone that's ever going to hurt her. But id like her to think that I can.