Lately.

Ive got this massive ache in my heart and I'm sick of it being there.
Some days you think you know exactly what you want, where you want it, what its going to be, and your certain.. well you think your certain.
I don't know if Ive ever been 100% certain about anything! Sad, I know. I just feel like that's the way I'm always going to be, no matter if I complete something, while doing it I probably wasn't 100% certain. So I either finish or do something by choice, or I just don't go through with something because I just don't want to.
But what if you don't have a choice, I mean, I'd like to think we always have choices when it comes to something, but what if one of the choices just isn't an option, so really you have the one choice that really isn't a choice to begin with, you just HAVE to do it. Does this make sense?!
Life has this crazy way of showing up next you in bed one morning and you have to officially introduce yourself to one another, most likely at this point life turns to you and says "so when are you going to take me seriously? " Most people might get a little scared at this point, trust me I was, but with my stubborn attitude and defensiveness I proclaim "When was I not taking you serious?!" Then I hurry and jump out of bed, rush around my cluttered room to find I have no clean laundry, now I'm going to be late for work, and realize I have to spend my last 10 bucks on gas. Right then life has to make some smart ass comment like "Real responsible!" OK, I get it.
Why is it that things never really happen the way you expect them too? You could sit and plan your whole life out step by step, and then one day your sitting there thinking, WOW this wasn't in the plan at all. So you go through all the options of how to get it back on track, but really your just headed down a different one. Life gives you bumps, sharp turns and complete stops, but that's where we write our NEW plan, we can add to our old one, we can make changes, we can eventually get back on track. Its hard. Sooo hard. There's a million things I'd love to do differently, a million ways I think I could change something/someone to make things the way I want them, but Its time to face the music, its time to take life by the hand.