Move over.

I like to believe that Ex's can be friends, some easier than others. Maybe its just the fact that sometimes I cant let go, even when it seems as if Ive "let go" I still like to have a relationship with people that were such a big part in my life. Take my Ex from 5 years ago! We will call him Alfred. Alfred and me met when I had just turned 16, shortly later we were "going out" that lasted a few weeks, we both went to different schools, I just got to that age where my parents were letting me date, and now I had all these fun school dances to go too! So, I broke it off. We kept in touch, we had some mutual friends, and we saw each other from time to time. We fought and it was always this back and forth thing about getting back together, eventually a couple years later we did. We then dated for 2 1/2 years! Things just didn't work out, we were young, we fought, we were immature, we worked together, shared one car, and we both had different ideas as to where out relationship was going. At 19 your really not sure where your going at all. I broke things off, and immediately started dating someone else. I wouldn't say I regret it, but I wouldn't say it was the best choice. We both had a really hard time with the break up, Alfred and I chose to deal with it in different ways, and still to this day I feel bad about how I handled it at times. We went back to hanging out, trying to be "normal" but things just were not the same, someone always got hurt. So we would go our separate ways for a while, ignore each other and try and move on with our lives. I think it just got to that point where neither of us were going to walk away for good, so after some learning about ourselves, dealing with some life experiences and changes, I think we just learned how to still be best friends without the added drama.
I'm sure deep down inside we both still care about each other deeply, we know each other inside and out, and I'm sure we would be there for one another if we needed to be. We both have dated, been in relationships, and asked each other about them from time to time. But this time is different.
Me and Alfred haven't really talked that frequently, there has been a few messages online, but that's been about it. Recently we started talking and its been casual conversation, one day Alfred begins to tell me about this girl he met, how its a familiar happiness and he really likes her. Surprised at how he is going on and on to me about her, I think hmmm he must really like this girl. Of course I turn my defense on and ask my normal questions (Alfred goes after some winners sometimes.. no offense!) haha. I find out shes only 19, and I'm already a little skeptical.. but she goes to school with him, hmm at least shes got that going for her. He tells me her name and says there is a picture of her on facebook. I take a gander, and I'm surprised, this girl is quite cute, and i don't feel like I'm looking at soft porn. ahh releif. Shes this cute little innocent looking blonde, kinda like me! hahaha.
A week goes by and I get a call from Alfred, he says hes going to meet her family, and bla bla and that there going to have the DTR talk (determine the relationship) All i can say is Precious. So long story short, he calls me today and tells me it went great, ohh and surprise her mom does hair too, just like my mom.. weird. haha and that its "Official" he begins to tell me how good it feels and that he didnt feel like it was forced like his other random relationships, haha and then he tells me he wants me to meet her. WHOA.
He told me he told her about me, and about the breakup, but how were really good friends and how he thinks she will like me. He asks how I feel about meeting her. Of course i say I will, if that's what he wants, but to make it less awkward i tell him we can do a double date, Ive told him a little about Mike, and hes always so eager to know how that's going with me, and sometimes Mike freakishly reminds me of him, well he annoys me about the same as Alfred did. hahaha.
So I guess I will be having a double date with my Ex, not just someone I dated, but my first love, my first REAL relationship, the first person I ever got to know, the person who's heart I broke. Now I get to sit and watch him be goo goo ga ga with some well put together girl, who will probably laugh at all his jokes and rest her head on his shoulder and he'll do things and say things that I once thought were cute.
I don't know if this is going to be more awkward for me, or for Mike. haha.
Its not that I don't want Alfred to be happy, because I do. Ive seen him through his ups and downs, Ive seen him at his worst. I'm glad that he has progressed so much. I know I'm talking like I got invited to his wedding or something, but its still weird to me! I'm glad that he wants my approval, or support and I'm glad hes been honest with her, and glad that we can still have a friendship. I'm happy with the way things are, but I guess its still that little stab, like Ouch.. your really not thinking about me! haha. Ohh. All I can say is at least she doesn't have illegitimate children shes trying to pass off as his, or the nic-name RED.

Circus.

Do you have any tricks you could do? Why yes, yes I do.


Clown for Kicks (Mendota Heights)Date: 2009-08-28, 11:12AM CDTReply to: sale-hqu43-1346837248@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


I am looking for someone to dress up like a Clown and hang out with me. I would cook you diner – or we could BBQ something. I’m interested in making my neighbor lady wonder. I have already had a man in a panda costume last month – and also had a heard of sheep come in for the day to cut the grass. (sheep do a good job by the way). A clown would be something.Maybe you could bring some balloons – or make balloon animals to hang in my tree. I’d like to have this done some evening between 6pm and dark. The longer you can stay the better (like if you could stay for the whole 3 hours). Do you have any tricks you could do?Like I said – I could cook diner and get you drunk – I’d even be willing to pay your cab fare to and from. I don’t have much to offer – and my neighbor lady is driving me nuts – so I want to drive her nuts. If you had a Mime friend – it would be cool to see you two chase each other around the yard or do relay races while I time you.
Let me know your thoughts – open to Men and Women Clowns.
Submitted By: Ken S via Craigslist

Lately.

Ive got this massive ache in my heart and I'm sick of it being there.
Some days you think you know exactly what you want, where you want it, what its going to be, and your certain.. well you think your certain.
I don't know if Ive ever been 100% certain about anything! Sad, I know. I just feel like that's the way I'm always going to be, no matter if I complete something, while doing it I probably wasn't 100% certain. So I either finish or do something by choice, or I just don't go through with something because I just don't want to.
But what if you don't have a choice, I mean, I'd like to think we always have choices when it comes to something, but what if one of the choices just isn't an option, so really you have the one choice that really isn't a choice to begin with, you just HAVE to do it. Does this make sense?!
Life has this crazy way of showing up next you in bed one morning and you have to officially introduce yourself to one another, most likely at this point life turns to you and says "so when are you going to take me seriously? " Most people might get a little scared at this point, trust me I was, but with my stubborn attitude and defensiveness I proclaim "When was I not taking you serious?!" Then I hurry and jump out of bed, rush around my cluttered room to find I have no clean laundry, now I'm going to be late for work, and realize I have to spend my last 10 bucks on gas. Right then life has to make some smart ass comment like "Real responsible!" OK, I get it.
Why is it that things never really happen the way you expect them too? You could sit and plan your whole life out step by step, and then one day your sitting there thinking, WOW this wasn't in the plan at all. So you go through all the options of how to get it back on track, but really your just headed down a different one. Life gives you bumps, sharp turns and complete stops, but that's where we write our NEW plan, we can add to our old one, we can make changes, we can eventually get back on track. Its hard. Sooo hard. There's a million things I'd love to do differently, a million ways I think I could change something/someone to make things the way I want them, but Its time to face the music, its time to take life by the hand.

Life.

BIG things are coming.

04/2010

Preggo!

Bug.

Mariah Carey.
Her so called "comeback" with the song Obsessed. I wont lie, I watched the video & the song is kind of catchy. But you really outdid yourself MC, I'm sure Eminem is crying like a baby. P.S you look better as a man.

Beautiful

thanks to Courtney, you have a wonderful link above. ;)

Attempts.

So this weekend Mike & I are house sitting for some friends of ours, I'm excited because they have a pool, which means I can work on my tan, and justify swimming.. or wading as a work out! I'm also excited because we actually will have a living room & kitchen to use without either of our roommates, well his roommates my Grandma.. ha ha.
I'm a little nervous though because I'm supposed to make dinner, you know the get home have dinner ready before HE comes home... AWKWARD. First off I rarely cook, I'm a fast food junkie, throw it in the microwave, add hot water kind of girl. The last time I cooked for my self was a couple days ago and I made Velveeta shells and cheese, and corn on the cob. I boiled water and threw it all in! I would love to test my skills at making something "homemade" but I'm sure it wont end up like that.
My plan is to make pasta, and I found a recipe for spicy Alfredo sauce, that's about as authentic its gonna get. I might make some chicken to go with it, I'm sure I cant mess that up! Maybe I'll top it off with a bottle of wine, how romantico.. ♥
Ill make sure to get a real good sappy chick flick too! I'm so excited to try this out, be all cute and play house. I'm sure Mike is a little scared to see what's up my sleeve, but I'm determined to impress!